The End!

December 2, 2007

in Help!,podcast @ 11:00 pm

Ladies, Gentlemen, Flora and Fauna: we present for your gustatory enchantment the thirteenth, final, and yes, ULTIMATE!!!!! chapter of HELP! A BEAR IS EATING ME!
(more…)

Almost dead!

November 14, 2007

in Help!,podcast @ 11:19 pm

Dear friends: the opportunity to use the word PENULTIMATE — go ahead, go look it up, I’ll wait here — comes far too rarely for my tastes. That’s why I’m pleased to provide you now with this, the PENULTIMATE CHAPTER of this increasingly epic podcast:

HELP! A BEAR IS EATING ME!

And dude, it is *so* PENULTIMATE! I mean, seriously! Not only is it PENULTIMATE, it’s also PEN-LONG-IMATE! That’s right, it’s the second longest chapter in the series. Long with goodness! It’s got action, it’s got suspense, and it’s got lots and lots of bears! It’s the kind of chapter that makes you turn skyward and exclaim “Thank you, Jesus, for chapters!”

In fact, if I had to pick a favorite chapter, I might pick this PENULTIMATE one — CHAPTER TWELVE!
(more…)

Happy Halloween

November 6, 2007

in Help!,podcast @ 10:42 pm

Hi Kids! Happy Halloween! Yes, we know it’s a few days late; we’re a few days late; you too, someday, will be a few days late. And when that day comes, rest assured that I will not be the one to hassle you about the small, slight, nigh imperceptible delay in your release of CHAPTER ELEVEN of your thirteen-chapter existential nightmare comedy novel known as:

HELP! A BEAR IS EATING ME!

… but don’t name your book that, or I will be forced to sue.

(more…)

Chapter Ten — brought to you by our SPONSORS!

October 18, 2007

in Help!,podcast @ 8:36 am

Hi friends!

Exciting news today! We’ve picked up some major commercial support for this chapter of the tragicomic novel:

HELP! A BEAR IS EATING ME!

It’s an exciting, fun, interesting chapter that’s also depressing, gruesome and awful! We’ll give you the link in a moment, but first: a word from our sponsors! (more…)

Nine is less than thirteen …

October 8, 2007

in Help!,podcast @ 10:54 am

… and thirteen is not just the number of limbs on the paleolothic thirteen-limbed penta-octo-bearasaurus — for which this month of “Octo-bear” is named — it’s also the number of chapters in the continuing gruesome monologue of Marv, Last of the Pushkins, as chronicled in:

HELP! A BEAR IS EATING ME!

And that’s not all that’s eating him, as you’ll learn in CHAPTER NINE, when you click one of these patented
EZ-Klik Linkz :

AAC format for iPods
MP3 format for the huddled masses
(more…)

… we’re back!

September 28, 2007

in Help!,podcast @ 4:36 pm

Sorry! Didn’t mean to leave you hanging! The cards and letters and e-cards and i-letters and pings and pokes and beeps have been pouring in all week, cluttering up the i-phone, crashing the m-bone, clogging the f-holes … all demanding the same answer, all asking the same question: WHERE THE FUCK IS CHAPTER EIGHT?

Here the fuck is Chapter Eight. (more…)

Halfway there …

September 16, 2007

in Help!,podcast @ 9:23 am

While a pessimist might describe this podcast as half-over, we optimists here at OUCH!corp prefer to describe it as half-not-dead-yet!

CHAPTER SEVEN of HELP! A BEAR IS EATING ME! has arrived … and I feel dirty! (more…)

Tell Me About Your Drugs!

September 10, 2007

in Help!,podcast @ 11:23 pm

Dear Soft, Crunchy Humans,

Marv Pushkin is feeling great! How does he do it? Find out now, in CHAPTER SIX of the remarkably not-dead-yet epic podcast: HELP! A BEAR IS EATING ME!

http://feeds.feedburner.com/helpabeariseatingme (more…)

Help! Bear! Five! Now!

September 3, 2007

in Help!,podcast @ 11:23 pm

HELP!
Chapter Five!
It’s short!
It’s sweet!
It’s here:

http://feeds.feedburner.com/HelpABearIsEatingMe (more…)

EXPLICIT BEAR WARNING!

August 29, 2007

in Help!,podcast @ 11:23 pm

Dear friends: it is with a trembling hand that I type this introduction to CHAPTER FOUR of the ongoing digestive saga, HELP! A BEAR IS EATING ME! Because, whereas the first three chapters have explored such touchy yet timely issues as carnage, bleeding, drug abuse, violence, environmental degredation and human asshole-hood, today’s installment contains a far more onerous ingredient:

EXPLICIT SEXUAL CONTENT!

Yes, that’s right,

EXPLICIT SEXUAL CONTENT!

(more…)

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