An excerpt from “THE CANNIBAL’S GUIDE TO ETHICAL LIVING”

November 25, 2010

sinking boat

Today is ESCAPE FROM THANKSGIVING — the day I interrupt your dinner by crowing constantly about my new book, among others. But since I’m about to get busy with a bird and a baster, I thought it might make more sense to provide you with this little excerpt.

The setting is the obscure Pacific island of Cristobol Minor, where our anti-hero André operates his unsavory but highly popular floating restaurant, “l’Arche”. In Chapter Two, he explains how he and his frightening business partner Marko landed on this particular island … (more…)

Escape From Thanksgiving!

November 24, 2010

in book,Events,Promotion @ 11:36 pm

Turkeybear!  OMG!

OMG!  It’s Thanksgiving!  Run away!

ESCAPE FROM THANKSGIVING is a special holiday-within-a-holiday in which we take time off from the gustatory family drama to storm around the Interwebs in our underpants, promoting the heck out of three brand-new Bizarro books about food — by David Agranoff, Chris Genoa and yours truly. (more…)

The Seattle Bear!

June 17, 2010

in Bears,Events,Help! @ 5:26 pm

Calling all space needlers!  This Saturday, June 19th 2010, I will present a special reprise infotainment performance of HELP! A BEAR IS EATING ME! to visitors of Seattle’s Crypticon!  If you’re in the area, please come join me at the merciless hour of eleven AM, when a very special guest and I will expose you to poignant and disemboweling truths about these special animals.

P.S. The Seattle Bear is an asshole!

Color your way to freedom!

December 6, 2009

Chicken Soup for the Kidnapper's Soul

Everybody knows the holidays are the best time for arts & crafts.  Why?  Because it’s shitty outside! Here in Portland it’s fucking freezing, and I know we’re not alone.

But whether you’re snowed in in Minneapolis, rained out in Seattle or swallowed by a Burmese python in Tampa, I have a way for you to fight that shut-in feeling — and win some autographed free books in the process. (more…)

Coraline!

February 6, 2009

Last night I had the privilege of attending the Portland premiere of CORALINE, and I loved it.  If you don’t already have a reason to go see this film — if, say, you hate beauty and pleasure, don’t care for suspense, couldn’t do much with a childlike sense of wonder — then you should go see it anyway, because I wrote some of the dialogue. Not a whole lot — just a few jokes here and there, just enough to feel proud.  Hundreds of people, including dozens of my friends at Laika, combined their talents for two long years to make this film, and it’s a splendid relief to know the effort was well spent. (more…)

Favorite Show! With Me! January 31st!

January 26, 2009

in Events @ 11:08 pm

Come point at me and laugh!  I’ll be a small but highly amusing part of Kevin Wilson’s small but highly amusing comedy event, FAVORITE SHOW!  That’ll be on Jan 31st, 8pm, at Urban Grind (2214 NE Oregon, in Portland, in Oregon.) .  When you’re not laughing at how funny I am/look/smell, you’ll almost certainly be laughing at Katie Jean Arnold, Joan Hiller Depper, Jessica Halem Rylee Newton or Kevin Wilson himself for similar reasons. 

Do join us!  I will have books for sale, and a spare can of whoop-ass handy for any bears that dare to attack me in my natural urban setting.

Bears in the roadway! Ashland, Oregon!

January 9, 2009

Greetings from Ashland, Oregon!  Vacation home of William Shakespeare, fine-dining capital of the greater Medford area, vacation meth destination and an all-around charming rural hamlet. Plus, it’s bear country!

The HELP! A BEAR IS EATING ME! World Tour of North America is about to lose the feeling in its second leg. Our final appearance is tonight at Stillwater, in Ashland, Oregon.  Come see the show that freaked out San Francisco and made Claremont uncomfortable!  Information, entertainment, literature, music, feats of strength, alcoholic beverages and a special guest appearance by Black Rock City’s favorite band, THE BAD MINTONS!  See it before it’s gone!

You know the score.  Here’s the details for your friends:

EVENT ANNOUNCEMENT:

“Help! A Bear Is Eating Me!” at Stillwater –
Book reading, slideshow and bear wrestling.

DATE:
January 9, 2009 — 9pm sharp!

LOCATION:
Stillwater Bar, Restuarant & Venue
1951 Highway 66, Ashland
541.482.6113

FEATURING:

A reading by author Mykle Hansen,
a special slideshow on bears in North America,
and a live demonstration of advanced
BEAR SELF-DEFENSE TECHNIQUES!

DETAILS:

Global warming and the expansion of North America’s population are bringing bears and humans together with unprecedented frequency.  What is the future of our relationship with these awesome creatures?  Must we eat one another?  Can’t we all just get along?

Portland, Oregon author MYKLE HANSEN addresses that question among others in his new novel HELP! A BEAR IS EATING ME! — a schadenfreude-laden farce of American hubris in the face of Nature and her servants, specifically the wild bears of Alaska.

During his one-hour presentation, Mr. Hansen, a fixture of Portland’s literary and spoken-word scenes, will read from his new novel and deliver an enlightening and entertaining slideshow on the shifting dynamic of the human-bear relationship in this era of global warming, economic meltdown and obesity.

This will be followed by a brief but exciting demonstration of how to defend yourself against attack by an actual live bear in a natural setting!

FOR MORE INFO, PRESS PACKET, REVIEW COPIES:
Contact Rose O’Keefe — publisher@eraserheadpress.com
Or Mykle Hansen — info@helpabeariseatingme.com

Bear Sneak Attack in San Francisco!

January 6, 2009

in Bears,book,Events,Promotion @ 9:58 pm

Dear friends,

Short notice!  Wednesday night, the 7th of January, I’ll be in San Francisco to present to you words, slides and astounding deeds!

DATE: Wednesday January 7th, 8pm!
LOCATION: The House of Hope and Inspiration, in Visitation Valley — 150 Delta Street, San Francisco.
(Parking available in the school lot at Delta & Wilde.)

Sorry for the short notice; it’s been hard to get this confirmed until the very last minute.  I hope you can make it, and please tell your loved ones and anybody you know who likes bears or me.

See you soon!

-mykle-

Bear attack in Claremont, CA! Monday January 5th!

January 4, 2009

Dear Friends:

The HELP! A BEAR IS EATING ME! World Tour of North America is coming TOMORROW to a stylish supper club known as THE PRESS, situated in Claremont, California.  This will be our only LA-area appearance for the near future, and I’m sure my LA friends and my Claremont friends are equally offended that I would even place Claremont in the LA area.  Nevertheless, I’m told it’s less than an hour’s drive from at least some part of LA.  But don’t take my word for it: ask Google Maps.

More details below!  Please come if you can, and please spread the word to your beloved loved ones whom you love.  A festive evening of infotainment is guaranteed!

Seeya,

-mykle-

—-
EVENT ANNOUNCEMENT:

“Help! A Bear Is Eating Me!” at The Press –
Book reading, slideshow and bear wrestling,
with a rock & roll chaser.

DATE: Monday, January 5th, 9pm
LOCATION: The Press Restaurant ~ 129 Harvard Ave., Claremont

FEATURING:

A reading by author Mykle Hansen,
a special slideshow on bears in North America,
and a live demonstration of advanced
BEAR SELF-DEFENSE TECHNIQUES!
AND: Special guests The Kurt Ross Band

DETAILS:

Global warming and the expansion of North America’s
population are bringing bears and humans together
with unprecedented frequency.  What is the future of our
relationship with these awesome creatures?  Must
we eat one another?  Can’t we all just get along?

Portland, Oregon author MYKLE HANSEN addresses that question among others in his new novel HELP! A BEAR IS EATING ME! — a schadenfreude-laden farce of American hubris in the face of Nature and her servants, specifically the wild bears of Alaska.

During his one-hour presentation, Mr. Hansen, a fixture
of Portland’s literary and spoken-word scenes, will read
from his new novel and deliver an enlightening and
entertaining slideshow on the shifting dynamic of the
human-bear relationship in this era of global warming,
economic meltdown and obesity.

This will be followed by a brief but exciting demonstration
of how to defend yourself against attack
by an actual live bear in a natural setting!

After the bear is returned to its cage, musical guests
The Kurt Ross Band will take the stage for a fine
evening of snarky R&B, joined by special guest
Jeff “The Chet” Lyster, formerly of the Honkey Tonk Angels,
fresh from his tour with Lucinda Williams.

FOR MORE INFO, PRESS PACKET, REVIEW COPIES:
Contact Rose O’Keefe — publisher@eraserheadpress.com
Or Mykle Hansen — info@helpabeariseatingme.com

THE INTERNET KNOWS ALL:

http://helpabeariseatingme.com

Greetings from Seattle!

November 22, 2008

in Bears,book,Events,Promotion @ 1:15 pm

bears vs. bears -- who will come out on top?

Hello from the tour!  Tonight is the final night of the first leg of this book tour, and we’re doing it in style, at the beautiful Jewelbox Theater in Seattle.  Please remind your friends that this is a three-for-one show: book reading, slideshow and survival training.  Each of those experiences alone might cost hours of your life, but for a limited time we’re able to offer all three in an affordable 45 minute time span!  We know times are tough, so come down to the Jewelbox Theater — at the Rendezvous Lounge, in Seattle’s charmingly sketchy Belltown district — and invite these bargains into your life!

It’s all happening right at 8pm, here!

Jewelbox Theater @ Rendezvous Lounge — 2322 2nd Ave, Belltown

Come early and get a drink in you!

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