Calling all space needlers! This Saturday, June 19th 2010, I will present a special reprise infotainment performance of HELP! A BEAR IS EATING ME! to visitors of Seattle’s Crypticon! If you’re in the area, please come join me at the merciless hour of eleven AM, when a very special guest and I will expose you to poignant and disemboweling truths about these special animals.
Everybody knows the holidays are the best time for arts & crafts. Why? Because it’s shitty outside! Here in Portland it’s fucking freezing, and I know we’re not alone.
But whether you’re snowed in in Minneapolis, rained out in Seattle or swallowed by a Burmese python in Tampa, I have a way for you to fight that shut-in feeling — and win some autographed free books in the process.
You see, there’s this guy named Patrick Wensink. I can totally vouch for him: he is a fine upstanding gentleman with a huge moustache and a charming short story collection: Sex Dungeon For Sale, just released by Eraserhead Press.
Because Patrick believes in the magic of Christmas and self-promotion, he has created a little contest over at his blog in time for the holidays — a coloring contest! With prizes! Everybody loves prizes, and these ones are sweet:
If your browser has the X-Ray Spex plug-in installed, you can see that all four of these books are autographed by their authors. (Otherwise, go to the contest page and check out the photos.) The copy of HELP! A BEAR IS EATING ME! you see above contains a special one-of-a-kind illustration by me, Famous Doodler Mykle Hansen. The other three books also contain other awesome goodies. And all four books contain delicious, crispy words. In fact, Patrick calls these his favorite four books of the year. They are:
Fool- By Christopher Moore
Tales Designed to Thrizzle – by Michael Kupperman
AM/PM – By Amelia Gray
Help! A Bear is Eating Me! – By Mykle Hansen (hi!)
All you have to do to win these fabulous autographed books is to color in some pretty pictures, which illustrate some of Patrick’s stories, such as the one above. A child could do it, and so can you. Head over there now and give it a whirl. Tell him Mykle sent you … or just tell him to hand over the goddamn books because your mad coloring skillz are fresh like a falafel.
Last night I had the privilege of attending the Portland premiere of CORALINE, and I loved it. If you don’t already have a reason to go see this film — if, say, you hate beauty and pleasure, don’t care for suspense, couldn’t do much with a childlike sense of wonder — then you should go see it anyway, because I wrote some of the dialogue. Not a whole lot — just a few jokes here and there, just enough to feel proud. Hundreds of people, including dozens of my friends at Laika, combined their talents for two long years to make this film, and it’s a splendid relief to know the effort was well spent.
What’s particularly remarkable about this film is the use of 3-D. It’s not an exploitation of the effect, with zombies poking you in the face all the time. It’s much more subtle. The full-color 3-D effect allows the eye to behold all the fine details and beautiful design with more clarity and shape. So if you do see it, be sure to see it in 3-D.
Last night’s premiere at the Arlene Schnitzer Concert Hall was quelle swank, featuring a string quartet beforehand, and then introductions by Phil Knight (owner of LAIKA and also some shoe company), Ted Kulongowski (the fuckin’ GOVERNOR of OREGON), Bill Foster (director of our local International Film Fest), Travis Knight (badass animator, and the best speaker by far) and Henry Sellick (director). After the film we shuffled over to the Portland Art Museum for a gala ball of fine catering and science-fair-style kiosks, where some of the workers on the film were able to explain the process in lifelike reproductions of their own cramped, dishelvled workspaces. Some of the many beautiful sets and puppets were also on display. The food was delish, everyone looked fabulous, and we’re all on pins and needles now, holding our breath as we watch our little Coraline step out into the world.
Come point at me and laugh! I’ll be a small but highly amusing part of Kevin Wilson’s small but highly amusing comedy event, FAVORITE SHOW! That’ll be on Jan 31st, 8pm, at Urban Grind (2214 NE Oregon, in Portland, in Oregon.) . When you’re not laughing at how funny I am/look/smell, you’ll almost certainly be laughing at Katie Jean Arnold, Joan Hiller Depper, Jessica Halem Rylee Newton or Kevin Wilson himself for similar reasons.
Do join us! I will have books for sale, and a spare can of whoop-ass handy for any bears that dare to attack me in my natural urban setting.
Greetings from Ashland, Oregon! Vacation home of William Shakespeare, fine-dining capital of the greater Medford area, vacation meth destination and an all-around charming rural hamlet. Plus, it’s bear country!
The HELP! A BEAR IS EATING ME! World Tour of North America is about to lose the feeling in its second leg. Our final appearance is tonight at Stillwater, in Ashland, Oregon. Come see the show that freaked out San Francisco and made Claremont uncomfortable! Information, entertainment, literature, music, feats of strength, alcoholic beverages and a special guest appearance by Black Rock City’s favorite band, THE BAD MINTONS! See it before it’s gone!
You know the score. Here’s the details for your friends:
—
EVENT ANNOUNCEMENT:
“Help! A Bear Is Eating Me!” at Stillwater –
Book reading, slideshow and bear wrestling.
DATE:
January 9, 2009 — 9pm sharp!
LOCATION:
Stillwater Bar, Restuarant & Venue
1951 Highway 66, Ashland
541.482.6113
FEATURING:
A reading by author Mykle Hansen,
a special slideshow on bears in North America,
and a live demonstration of advanced
BEAR SELF-DEFENSE TECHNIQUES!
DETAILS:
Global warming and the expansion of North America’s population are bringing bears and humans together with unprecedented frequency. What is the future of our relationship with these awesome creatures? Must we eat one another? Can’t we all just get along?
Portland, Oregon author MYKLE HANSEN addresses that question among others in his new novel HELP! A BEAR IS EATING ME! — a schadenfreude-laden farce of American hubris in the face of Nature and her servants, specifically the wild bears of Alaska.
During his one-hour presentation, Mr. Hansen, a fixture of Portland’s literary and spoken-word scenes, will read from his new novel and deliver an enlightening and entertaining slideshow on the shifting dynamic of the human-bear relationship in this era of global warming, economic meltdown and obesity.
This will be followed by a brief but exciting demonstration of how to defend yourself against attack by an actual live bear in a natural setting!
FOR MORE INFO, PRESS PACKET, REVIEW COPIES:
Contact Rose O’Keefe — publisher@eraserheadpress.com
Or Mykle Hansen — info@helpabeariseatingme.com
Dear friends,
Short notice! Wednesday night, the 7th of January, I’ll be in San Francisco to present to you words, slides and astounding deeds!
DATE: Wednesday January 7th, 8pm!
LOCATION: The House of Hope and Inspiration, in Visitation Valley — 150 Delta Street, San Francisco.
(Parking available in the school lot at Delta & Wilde.)
Sorry for the short notice; it’s been hard to get this confirmed until the very last minute. I hope you can make it, and please tell your loved ones and anybody you know who likes bears or me.
See you soon!
-mykle-
Dear Friends:
The HELP! A BEAR IS EATING ME! World Tour of North America is coming TOMORROW to a stylish supper club known as THE PRESS, situated in Claremont, California. This will be our only LA-area appearance for the near future, and I’m sure my LA friends and my Claremont friends are equally offended that I would even place Claremont in the LA area. Nevertheless, I’m told it’s less than an hour’s drive from at least some part of LA. But don’t take my word for it: ask Google Maps.
More details below! Please come if you can, and please spread the word to your beloved loved ones whom you love. A festive evening of infotainment is guaranteed!
Seeya,
-mykle-
—-
EVENT ANNOUNCEMENT:
“Help! A Bear Is Eating Me!” at The Press –
Book reading, slideshow and bear wrestling,
with a rock & roll chaser.
DATE: Monday, January 5th, 9pm
LOCATION: The Press Restaurant ~ 129 Harvard Ave., Claremont
FEATURING:
A reading by author Mykle Hansen,
a special slideshow on bears in North America,
and a live demonstration of advanced
BEAR SELF-DEFENSE TECHNIQUES!
AND: Special guests The Kurt Ross Band
DETAILS:
Global warming and the expansion of North America’s
population are bringing bears and humans together
with unprecedented frequency. What is the future of our
relationship with these awesome creatures? Must
we eat one another? Can’t we all just get along?
Portland, Oregon author MYKLE HANSEN addresses that question among others in his new novel HELP! A BEAR IS EATING ME! — a schadenfreude-laden farce of American hubris in the face of Nature and her servants, specifically the wild bears of Alaska.
During his one-hour presentation, Mr. Hansen, a fixture
of Portland’s literary and spoken-word scenes, will read
from his new novel and deliver an enlightening and
entertaining slideshow on the shifting dynamic of the
human-bear relationship in this era of global warming,
economic meltdown and obesity.
This will be followed by a brief but exciting demonstration
of how to defend yourself against attack
by an actual live bear in a natural setting!
After the bear is returned to its cage, musical guests
The Kurt Ross Band will take the stage for a fine
evening of snarky R&B, joined by special guest
Jeff “The Chet” Lyster, formerly of the Honkey Tonk Angels,
fresh from his tour with Lucinda Williams.
FOR MORE INFO, PRESS PACKET, REVIEW COPIES:
Contact Rose O’Keefe — publisher@eraserheadpress.com
Or Mykle Hansen — info@helpabeariseatingme.com
THE INTERNET KNOWS ALL:
http://helpabeariseatingme.com
Hello from the tour! Tonight is the final night of the first leg of this book tour, and we’re doing it in style, at the beautiful Jewelbox Theater in Seattle. Please remind your friends that this is a three-for-one show: book reading, slideshow and survival training. Each of those experiences alone might cost hours of your life, but for a limited time we’re able to offer all three in an affordable 45 minute time span! We know times are tough, so come down to the Jewelbox Theater — at the Rendezvous Lounge, in Seattle’s charmingly sketchy Belltown district — and invite these bargains into your life!
It’s all happening right at 8pm, here!
Jewelbox Theater @ Rendezvous Lounge — 2322 2nd Ave, Belltown
Come early and get a drink in you!
One of my many Famous Author duties is to go where the readers are, there to claw desperately at their attention. So it was that I spent Saturday in a bear suit at Portland’s third annual Wordstock Book Festival — specifically, at the trade-show portion of it, held at the oppressively dull Oregon Convention Center.
There, I delivered cheer to a huge trade show of publishers, authors and sponsors, in the form of a Stimulus Package specially crafted by the Portland Lit Offensive to prop up the spiritual economy of this festival. I got to hand out over a hundred of these ‘zines, using the awesome opening line “Can I offer you a billion dollars?” (The Stimulus Package itself can be read online in PDF format, here.)
Many excellent local and visiting authors braved the institutional tedium to read their works throughout the day. The picture above shows my friend Kevin Sampsell, publisher of Future Tense Books and author of Creamy Bullets and numerous other short fictions, who read excerpts from his coming memoir of childhood secrets. To his left (that’s your right) is Barb Klansic, AKA my other friend, director of “Writer’s Block“, an improv event wherein her crack team of comedians completed the unfinished short stories of lazy authors, live on stage. In this shot, Kevin and Barb have just smuggled me into the Guest Author Snack Area. Moments later we feasted on delicious lobster-stuffed prime rib, washed down by a ribald yet poignant ‘96 Chateau Nom de Plume.
Later that day I got to see Johnathan Hodgman read from his newest book of meaningless trivia, “More Information Than You Require”. Because Johnathan is a minor TV celebrity, his book sales are guaranteed! Nevertheless, he’s a very good reader and a charming guy.
