Bear attack in Claremont, CA! Monday January 5th!

January 4, 2009

Dear Friends:

The HELP! A BEAR IS EATING ME! World Tour of North America is coming TOMORROW to a stylish supper club known as THE PRESS, situated in Claremont, California.  This will be our only LA-area appearance for the near future, and I’m sure my LA friends and my Claremont friends are equally offended that I would even place Claremont in the LA area.  Nevertheless, I’m told it’s less than an hour’s drive from at least some part of LA.  But don’t take my word for it: ask Google Maps.

More details below!  Please come if you can, and please spread the word to your beloved loved ones whom you love.  A festive evening of infotainment is guaranteed!




“Help! A Bear Is Eating Me!” at The Press –
Book reading, slideshow and bear wrestling,
with a rock & roll chaser.

DATE: Monday, January 5th, 9pm
LOCATION: The Press Restaurant ~ 129 Harvard Ave., Claremont


A reading by author Mykle Hansen,
a special slideshow on bears in North America,
and a live demonstration of advanced
AND: Special guests The Kurt Ross Band


Global warming and the expansion of North America’s
population are bringing bears and humans together
with unprecedented frequency.  What is the future of our
relationship with these awesome creatures?  Must
we eat one another?  Can’t we all just get along?

Portland, Oregon author MYKLE HANSEN addresses that question among others in his new novel HELP! A BEAR IS EATING ME! — a schadenfreude-laden farce of American hubris in the face of Nature and her servants, specifically the wild bears of Alaska.

During his one-hour presentation, Mr. Hansen, a fixture
of Portland’s literary and spoken-word scenes, will read
from his new novel and deliver an enlightening and
entertaining slideshow on the shifting dynamic of the
human-bear relationship in this era of global warming,
economic meltdown and obesity.

This will be followed by a brief but exciting demonstration
of how to defend yourself against attack
by an actual live bear in a natural setting!

After the bear is returned to its cage, musical guests
The Kurt Ross Band will take the stage for a fine
evening of snarky R&B, joined by special guest
Jeff “The Chet” Lyster, formerly of the Honkey Tonk Angels,
fresh from his tour with Lucinda Williams.

Contact Rose O’Keefe —
Or Mykle Hansen —


Help! A bear is eating my Amazon Kindle!

December 18, 2008

in Bears,book,E-Books @ 3:17 pm

Help! A Bear Is Eating Me!  Now on Kindle!  For realz!

If you’re like me, you’re a cheap bastard, as well as an utter, dorkalicious nerd.  In which case, you probably already own the newest e-book reader in town, the Amazon Kindle.  You bought it not only because it’s a nifty doodad with an e-ink screen that runs linux, but also because you figured that the savings from buying books electronically would more than justify the exorbitant price of the aforementioned doodad.

Or else maybe you want to save the trees, or something.  I don’t know.  Have we met?  How would I know what you’re like?  But the point is, as an owner of the Amazon Kindle you are now a mere two or three light finger movements away from also being the owner of … the brand-new Amazon Kindle Edition of HELP! A BEAR IS EATING ME!  Or, as we call it around the home office, The Amazon Bear Experiment.

Now YOU can save over $5, compared to the cover price of the boring old paper edition!  But that’s not all!  YOU will also avoid the faint musky odor of the bear-scented scratch-n-sniff ink!  YOUR statistical risk of accidental papercuts will plummet to nil!  (Offset only by a mild increase in electrocution hazard while reading in YOUR bathtub.  We think that’s a small price to pay.)

Compared to the paper edition, the Kindle edition is over 5000% lighter, 2700% thinner and 99% as funny!  Such a bargain!   How do you take advantage of this amazing offer?  I’m not sure.  Click somewhere, maybe?  I don’t own a Kindle, so I couldn’t tell you.  If you do figure it out, please post instructions here!

(My own Kindle is still in the budget-justification phase, but your purchase of the Help! A Bear Is Eating Me! Kindle Edition! could change all that!  In fact, I calculate that if only 1000 of you fine Internet people purchase the Kindle Edition for your Kindles, I will have earned enough income to buy a Kindle for myself.  And if 6000 of you purchase it, I’ll have enough money to buy both a Kindle and some food!)

Greetings from Oregon!

December 2, 2008

in book,Promotion @ 12:12 pm

… home of The Oregonian, the daily paper that plugged our favorite book in the sunday Arts section.  Thank you, Big O!

Greetings from Seattle!

November 22, 2008

in Bears,book,Events,Promotion @ 1:15 pm

bears vs. bears -- who will come out on top?

Hello from the tour!  Tonight is the final night of the first leg of this book tour, and we’re doing it in style, at the beautiful Jewelbox Theater in Seattle.  Please remind your friends that this is a three-for-one show: book reading, slideshow and survival training.  Each of those experiences alone might cost hours of your life, but for a limited time we’re able to offer all three in an affordable 45 minute time span!  We know times are tough, so come down to the Jewelbox Theater — at the Rendezvous Lounge, in Seattle’s charmingly sketchy Belltown district — and invite these bargains into your life!

It’s all happening right at 8pm, here!

Jewelbox Theater @ Rendezvous Lounge — 2322 2nd Ave, Belltown

Come early and get a drink in you!

Happy Birthday To Us!

November 8, 2008

in Bears,book,Events @ 11:18 am

Birthday cake by Gesine Krätzner, aka Schnuffi

I turned forty at the Book Release Party on October 19, 2008, while my friend Esther turned 27.  And my novel — HELP! A BEAR IS EATING ME! — turned zero!  Happy birthday everybody!

Rose O'Keefe, Publisher, Eraserhead Press

These pix document the joyous Birthday Book Release Tour Kickoff And Other Excuses To Drink Party held at Plan B bar by Eraserhead Press on October 19, 2008.  Above, Publisher Rose O’Keefe and I prepare to release these baby books into the wild — to be consumed immediately by the large, lit-hungry crowd pictured below!

Book Release

Egad!  Over a hundred people!  Guests clad as woodland creatures received free beverages from a mysterious patron known only as “Omnivore”.

Sophisticated fall wardrobes

Yr. humble self-promoter began with literature, then delved into the natural sciences, and concluded the evening by wrestling a live bear (not shown).

Famous Author Mykle Hansen, acting famous.

Boatloads of thanks to everybody who came!  Drinks for all my friends!  I was amazed by the turnout, and by the vigorous book sales!  If only I could do this in every town …

The PLO table: Daniel Scott Buck, Carlton Mellick III, and Steve and Heather Libbey

Thanks also to Plan B for putting up with us, and to the denizens of Goth Industrial Dance Night for not drinking our blood!  And thanks to Rose and Carl for taking pictures!  (If you were there and took pictures, tell me where they are and I’ll post them here.)  Thanks also to the Portland Mercury for a glowing event listing.  Extra-special super-thanks to Trained Bear Danny Norton, who parted the digital equivalent of the Red Sea to overcome technical difficulties and get the !%$%!$ slideshow working.

Book Trailer!

November 4, 2008

in Bears,book,Help!,Promotion @ 11:47 am

Yes, self-amusement is the key to joy. Here’s a little promo piece that Danny Norton (of extrasketch fame) shot and edited, featuring the amazing 2-D animation chops of Your Humble Narrator! Isn’t it amazing what today’s doodads can do?

Tomorrow … the world!

October 21, 2008

in book,Events,Promotion @ 12:45 pm

 We’re hitting the road!

bear riding bicycle

ANNOUNCING!  The 2008/2009 HELP! A BEAR IS EATING ME! World Tour of Western North America, The Nice Parts!

In order to promote my new book, and to inform and inspire the depressed people of the cold, wet north, we will bring culture, humor, information and mild carnage to cities in the Pacific Northwest!  Readings, slides, bear-wrestling and more.  Come one, come all!

Our first leg-of-tour will be served up in NOVEMBER 2008, in these fine northern establishments:

November 14-16 — PORTLAND, OR — BizarroCon, McMenamin’s Edgefield

November 17 — OLYMPIA, WASHINGTON — Orca Books

November 19 — VICTORIA, BC — Camas Infoshop

November 20 — VANCOUVER, BC — Spartacus Books

UPDATED!  November 21 — PORT TOWNSEND, WA — The Boiler Room

November 22 — SEATTLE, WA — The Jewelbox Theater

Other dates to be added — watch this space!

EVENT ANNOUNCEMENT: Book Release and Bear Wrestling!

September 23, 2008

in Bears,book,Events,Help! @ 9:40 pm



Sunday October 19, 6-9pm

1305 SE 8th Ave
Portland, OR 97214
(503) 230-9020
Full bar & kitchen


Contact Rose O’Keefe —
Or Mykle Hansen —



A very special Book Release Event,
for Mykle Hansen’s comic novel,


– spoken-word performance by the author!
– a special slide presentation!
–  a live demonstration of advanced BEAR SELF-DEFENSE TECHNIQUES!

Official Book Release! SUNDAY OCTOBER 19! OMG!

in Bears,book,Events,Help! @ 9:39 pm

Did you know: in the dark chewy center of the Internet there is a shiny golden orb that emits OMG!!!!  Pure rays of unadulterated OMG!!!! radiate from it, glistening droplets of OMG!!!! condense on its perfect surface … and all of that OMG!!! has been pooling down there for millions of years, until now, when I have finally perfected my technique for tapping this amazing OMG!!!! engine that keeps us all totally, you know, OMG!  OMG!  OMG!!!!

How do I do it?  This is how: by announcing the OFFICIAL BOOK RELEASE AND BEAR WRESTLING FESTIVAL for no other book than:


(Also known by its TXT translation: OMG! I’S D3DZ! LOL!)

Seriously, though … OMG!!!!  You have no idea how long I’ve been waiting for this wild event!  Scheduled to coincide with my very own 40th birthday,  this is no normal oh-honey-let’s-go-see-that-author-whatsisname-mumble-into-a-microphone-at-borders-and-then-get-a-latte book release event.  I can promise you ACTION, SUSPENSE and TOUCHING WHOLESOMENESS!  Plus liquor, bear wrestling, movies and goth-industrial dancing!

Here’s what author Mark Saltzman once called “Three-Way Fist of Author Appearance Stance!”

FIST ONE: I will introduce the book, myself, the bartender, etc, and read to you!  Just a little bit, you know.

FIST TWO: I will present you with an entertaining slide-show on the topic of bears, global warming, obesity and the future!  OMG!!!!

FIST THREE: With the cooperation of a LIVE BEAR, I will educate you in Bear-Fu, the ancient art of wilderness bear safety!  OMG!!!!

FIST FOUR: Ha!  You were not expecting fist four!  This is the fist of MOVIES!  Yes, we will watch bear-cinema together, you and I!   OMG!!!!

FIST FIVE (BONUS FIST): Goth industrial dancing all night!  W00t!

And just to give you a little bit more to go on: this event will be the official launching of the HELP! A BEAR IS EATING ME!  WORLD TOUR OF NORTH AMERICA’S WEST-COAST CITIES, SOME OF THEM!  Yes, this show is going on the road starting in November, so come smash a champagne bottle on my prow.

I sure hope to see you! The official release with details is my very next post!  Watch this space!

Surrealism Warning!

August 25, 2008

in book,Events,Help! @ 10:26 pm

Yes, true its!

Me on the radio AGAIN am!

Surrealism KBOO month August is at!

Night THURSDAY THIS am KBOO on at i!

Details soon more have do i at to you.



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