Did you know: in the dark chewy center of the Internet there is a shiny golden orb that emits OMG!!!! Pure rays of unadulterated OMG!!!! radiate from it, glistening droplets of OMG!!!! condense on its perfect surface … and all of that OMG!!! has been pooling down there for millions of years, until now, when I have finally perfected my technique for tapping this amazing OMG!!!! engine that keeps us all totally, you know, OMG! OMG! OMG!!!!
How do I do it? This is how: by announcing the OFFICIAL BOOK RELEASE AND BEAR WRESTLING FESTIVAL for no other book than:
HELP! A BEAR IS EATING ME!
(Also known by its TXT translation: OMG! I’S D3DZ! LOL!)
Seriously, though … OMG!!!! You have no idea how long I’ve been waiting for this wild event! Scheduled to coincide with my very own 40th birthday, this is no normal oh-honey-let’s-go-see-that-author-whatsisname-mumble-into-a-microphone-at-borders-and-then-get-a-latte book release event. I can promise you ACTION, SUSPENSE and TOUCHING WHOLESOMENESS! Plus liquor, bear wrestling, movies and goth-industrial dancing!
Here’s what author Mark Saltzman once called “Three-Way Fist of Author Appearance Stance!”
FIST ONE: I will introduce the book, myself, the bartender, etc, and read to you! Just a little bit, you know.
FIST TWO: I will present you with an entertaining slide-show on the topic of bears, global warming, obesity and the future! OMG!!!!
FIST THREE: With the cooperation of a LIVE BEAR, I will educate you in Bear-Fu, the ancient art of wilderness bear safety! OMG!!!!
FIST FOUR: Ha! You were not expecting fist four! This is the fist of MOVIES! Yes, we will watch bear-cinema together, you and I! OMG!!!!
FIST FIVE (BONUS FIST): Goth industrial dancing all night! W00t!
And just to give you a little bit more to go on: this event will be the official launching of the HELP! A BEAR IS EATING ME! WORLD TOUR OF NORTH AMERICA’S WEST-COAST CITIES, SOME OF THEM! Yes, this show is going on the road starting in November, so come smash a champagne bottle on my prow.
I sure hope to see you! The official release with details is my very next post! Watch this space!