August 20, 2007
… and it’s a bear!
is the your magic key to unlock the magic door that leads to the magic place where Marv Pushkin is magically not dead yet. Yes, it’s chapter three of …
HELP! A Bear Is Eating Me!
… the comic novel by me, as read by me, as put on-line for free, by me, for you. Because I love you! Yes, this gruesome (yet light-hearted) meditation on the experience of being (cheerfully) eaten by a vicious (yet cute) predator is a metaphor for my deep feelings for you — a metaphor in which violence represents love, narcissism represents selfless dedication to others, and being torn apart represents rebirth, transformation and hot, tasty waffles. Get it?
QUESTIONS, QUESTIONS, QUESTIONS!
Q: Hey, I can’t open that link you sent with my PodSuck 5000 MultiWindows InterGroper? You call that love?
A: Alas, I do! You need to have iTunes installed to open that link, above. It gives you a nice page full of reasons to subscribe, and a little button that says “SUBSCRIBE”, and it basically leaves you no choice but to subscribe. If you use some other podcast reader or RSS reader to get at things, try this link instead:
… or, if you just want to click on something and have your computer make a noise, you could always just go right to Chapter 3, by clicking on this:
… and for gosh sakes, let me know if you can’t open it. Like an SUV parked on top of your legs, I am here for you.
Q: Hey, it’s been a month since your last post! You suck!
A: See previous paragraphs re: how much I love you, etc. Then, feel really bad for having brought that up! I have been busy. In fact, I wrote a whole other book last month, and if you think this one’s wholesome and uplifting, you’ll want to paste that one into your Bible! Nevertheless, I assure you that we are back on schedule for weekly updates, and still planning to complete the 13-chapter series some time this October. (Sure, certain math nerds may claim it’s “impossible” to fit ten weeks into one and a half months … but I say, anything’s possible with love!)
Q: I really like your podcast and would like to help make you incredibly famous! Also, I want to give you money. Please advise.
A: No, really, your friendship and continued interest is more than enough for me. I wouldn’t think of asking you, for instance, to post a review of this podcast series at the iTunes Music Store. Nor would I suggest you pre-order copies of the novel. In fact, as soon as my publishers are able to accept pre-orders, you can be assured that I wouldn’t think of asking you to do that, or telling you how. However, if you really, really insist ….
(SFX: sound of you really insisting)
… well then, please just tell your friends about the podcast, and the book, and help me try to drum up some interest by October. Tell them to write me, if they want to get these silly updates. And promise them that next time I’ll try to figure out something more interesting and effective. I promise.
Q: I really hate your podcast and would like to help make you incredibly obscure! Also, I want to run over you in my car.
A: If you don’t want to receive these updates any more, just send me a note saying “make it stop” or something to that effect. The last thing I want to do is make you uncomfortable.