How To Defend Against A Bear Attack!

September 13, 2007

in General Knowledge @ 10:50 pm

… using only Mykle Hansen’s comic novel, HELP! A BEAR IS EATING ME!

1) Prevention is the sincerest form of survival. Avoid all bears! Stay at home! Hide under your bed or in a closet. While hiding, read HELP! A BEAR IS EATING ME!, the comic novel by Mykle Hansen.

2) If you are spotted by a bear, hold the novel high over your head, to appear taller. (You may wish to purchase multiple copies for added safety.) Look the bear right in the eye!

3) If the bear charges at you, grasp the novel by its rigid spine and thwap the bear soundly across the snout!

4) Enjoy sharing this novel with your deceased ancestors!

9 comments

  1. this is the gayest shit ive ever seen

    comment by fsdafsdfa — October 6, 2007 @ 3:09 pm

  2. Wow! Even gayer than this?

    http://tinyurl.com/2dy4yc

    Thank you! Thank you so much! Do you mind if we use that quote on the book cover? It would be huge for us.

    -m-

    comment by mykle — October 8, 2007 @ 9:44 am

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    pingback by Help! A Bear Is Eating Me! » Nine is less than thirteen … — October 8, 2007 @ 10:54 am

  4. Dear website: I have noticed you pinging yourself a lot, and I am starting to worry. Doesn’t it hurt, this constant self-pinging? Won’t it get infected, eventually? Is this a cry for help?

    comment by mykle — October 21, 2007 @ 9:28 pm

  5. I appreciate the helpful advice about defending against bear attacks. Could use more information about how to defend against multiple bears and different types of bears.

    comment by FunGuy — December 7, 2007 @ 10:12 pm

  6. Hey can I buy an old fashioned paper version of this book?

    It’s Tamara, whom you met at Burning Door for NYE to ring in 2007.

    Also, did I miss lightbar this year or is lightbar not happening?

    Cheers,

    Tamara

    comment by Tamara Anderosn — February 19, 2008 @ 11:59 pm

  7. wow i have to agree with the first guy…

    comment by myspace.com/ustopit — January 3, 2009 @ 11:17 pm

  8. 5) when the bear sees your with that gay book in your he pressume you are a nasty queer and not want to eat you.

    comment by billyjoe — April 30, 2009 @ 2:33 pm

  9. I am a butt slamma-jamma.

    comment by Andrew ShukKKeeat Carmatiso — May 15, 2009 @ 10:20 am

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