Dude: The Flying Spaghetti Monster is not a myth, a joke or a cult figure. He, she or it is as real as the pasta we breathe! And FAMH is a true believer, as evidenced by his confessional contribution to AMAZING STORIES OF THE FLYING SPAGHETTI MONSTER, due out this fall on Eraserhead Press. Check out the cover!
S.G. Browne, Stephen Graham Jones, Kate Bernheimer, John Skipp, Kevin L. Donihe, Bradley Sands, Andersen Prunty, Jeffrey Thomas, J. David Osborne, Bruce Taylor, Marc Levinthal, Kelli Owen, FAMH and others contributed to this epic tribute to our favorite edible deity. Their place in heaven is assured! Soon, yours will be too.
Watch for it — at Amazon.com and wherever else fine books are watched for! Or else just glue one eye to Bizarro Central for all the latest news and rumors from the palpitating Bizarro-verse.
FAMH confesses his extreme parenting secrets in the latest installment of We Who Are About To Breed, a series of mini-interviews about writing and parenting at wewhoareabouttodie.com, instigated by expectant father and Eraserhead Press author Patrick Wensink.
Not only will FAMH set your actual house on actual fire, but also he will read you a story about it tomorrow evening (Thursday, June 23, 2011) at the latest Stephen-King-themed installment of the excellent reading series HOUSEFIRE, adjunctive to Riley Michael Parker’s equally assbad webmag by the same name (HOUSEFIRE) which is here.
Robyn Bateman, Lindsay Allison Ruoff, Kira Clark, Willie Fitzgerald, Cameron Pierce and others will also appear, read, then disappear while the rest of us clap and point. And there will be art, and there will be booze, and there will be the grand release of HOUSEFIRE’s fresh new stapling of Stephen King stories, entitled DANCE MACABRE. It’s a King thing, you’d totally understand.
All this happens at SISTER COUSINS, which is at 2917 SE Hawthorne in Portland, between seven and ten PM. The HOUSEFIRE series has been rad as hell. FAMH would go even if he wasn’t going. So should you.
But it’s a party, okay? Wear the happy pants, not the grumpy pants.
MISSIONE IN ALASKA is the title of the new Italian translation of your favorite book-I-wrote-about-being-eaten-by-a-bear! It’s available now, wherever fine Italian books are sold. Translator Francesco Francis carefully smuggled every bit of humor, depth and festive fierceness in this book across that delicate cultural barrier that separates America from other, more interesting countries.
To commemorate all this auspiciousness, I am offering my fans & friends a Missione of their own: to the first person who sends me a photograph of this book in an actual Italian bookstore, I hereby offer the bounty of a signed, autographed, inscribed and personalized copy of HELP! A BEAR IS EATING ME! in the language of your choice — as long as your choice is either Italian or English.
Furthermore, if you (that is, the Internet “you”) are able to provide such a photo in the next SEVEN DAYS, I will throw in one photograph of myself astride a classic Italian bicycle, eating pasta, making an authentic Italian hand gesture, wearing a shirt that says “VIVA YOUR NAME HERE!”
HELP! is the first of my books ever to be translated with my permission. I’m awfully proud. It’s things like this that make an author guy feel famous. Sadly, I lack the skills to appreciate it properly: I don’t speak much Italian. I do love the fettucini, the biscotti, the Cicciolina as much as anybody but I’m still an ignorant American at heart. So if you happen to live in Italy, or you know somebody who does — perhaps somebody who’d appreciate a truly universal tale of hubris, blood loss and fine upholstery — please mention to them that this book is now available in your local Italian book store. It’s probably just a handful of meters away from Umberto Eco!
Back in Portland just in time for more rain, FAMH will read from The Cannibal’s Guide To Ethical Living this Monday Night (tomorrow, that is) as part of Smallpressapalooza, Powell’s Books’ festival of the micro, indie and willfully obscure in today’s literature. And not alone: see also Eraserhead Press label-mate David Agranof (presenting parts of The Vegan Revolution … With Zombies!), Microcosmonaut Joe Biel (reading from Bipedal By Pedal) and a host of other talented talents. (Check the complete schedule here.) It’s a four hour rock-block of raw underground voices and occasional snack breaks that starts at 6pm, with Mr. Hansen “headlining”* at 9:30. On a Monday night, one could do worse.
* The presence of actual lines on Mr. Hansen’s head at this event cannot be confirmed at this time. However, his newly aquired Arizona tan will be available for public basking-in.
In a remote and dangerous corner of the ocean, the renowned gourmet and food journalist Louis De Gustibus is held captive by an elite chef — and vegan cannibal — named André. But André would never eat his dear friend Louis. Andre only eats millionaires! Over a five star French meal of fine wine, organic produce and human flesh, a lunatic delivers a witty, chilling, disturbingly sane argument in favor of eating the rich.
For this event, Mr. Hansen will read from his new novel and from works in progress, answer all questions, autograph things, and draw funny animal pictures. He invites all of Tuscon to come have a beer with him afterwards. It all happens on the evening of Wednesday, March 23rd, at seven in the evening. Do come!
This Friday February 11 at Powell’s City Of Books, FAMH will read out loud from Herman Melville’s homoerotic classic, MOBY DICK, as part of TAKE TO THE SHIP, an epic 24-hour marathon reading of the entire novel!
Mr. Hansen will read Chapter Three, “The Spouter Inn,” thereby setting up Powell’s own Kevin Sampsell for all the funny parts in Chapter Four. And one hundred thirty three other readers will read the other one hundred thirty three chapters — that’s twenty-four hours of Dick! It’ll be a festive who’s-who of Portland literary and artistic talent, and the entire reading will be recorded for posterity.
For both fans of the Melville masterpiece, and those who have never cracked its pages, the reading will celebrate the epic sweep of one of the greatest reads in history, as well support the IPRC. When first published, Moby Dick was a near flop. It remains a totem to the importance of small, independent publishing for keeping alive great works ahead of their time.
Today THOUGHT CATALOG has republished “I Was An Asshole,” the Afterword to the new edition of EYEHEART EVERYTHING. In it, Mr. Hansen relates his entry into self-publishing, and the embarrassing details of his fracas with a famous literary personage whose notoriety will not be exploited here.